Alcohol scarred my childhood
I have lost close friends to it
Alcohol has slowly consumed many of my family and friends
I even had close calls with alcohol overdose in my university years
Yet I will not judge or hate alcohol
I knew 7 years ago that one day I would walk away from alcohol and the destruction it cases
Today I will choose to walk away peacefully in the night
With aloha
Johnny
You have always been there for me
When I was lonely
When I was bored
When I was in pain
Relieving me of stress
Allowing me to focus
Stimulated my mind
Thank you for your attempts to distract me from my suffering
But I have to let you go
The momentary relief you give me leads to more suffering in the end
You will always be part of my story but it’s time to turn the page
It’s time to start a new chapter of self love & service to others
It’s a long road to recovery but it’s a worthwhile journey
The alternative is self destruction
With aloha,
Johnny
Fill the hole in my heart
Fill the deep gap within my soul
Take away the discomfort
Numb me to my suffering
Distract me
Comfort me
I don’t want to feel anymore
Consumption of drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or junk food seems to be the solution to our pain
Temporarily they are good numbing agents, that’s what hooks us in; especially when we first try them at an early age
But in the end it causes more suffering & new financial & health problems
Like quick sand we can fall deeper & deeper into the depths of addiction
With aloha
Johnny
Looking for a quick fix.
Pacifiers to numb me.
Numb me from my fears.
Numb me from my insecurities.
Cover the pain deep in my heart.
Patch my broken soul.
Give me that rush of dopamine.
Silence the endless stream of anxiety.
Shine your light into the darkness of my depression.
Even if it’s only for a moment.
Will you please end my suffering?
How do I let you go?
A part of me still wants to be with you.
How can I be the best version of myself and still be with you?
You almost took my life a few times.
I could have gone to jail because of you… But you kept pulling me back.
I made huge mistakes while with you and caused suffering in the world.
Society wants me to be with you even though it’s not in the best interest of my mental, physical, and emotional health. Why is this?!
I see what you have done to others lives.
I spent thousands of dollars on you, putting me in financial stress and debt.
But damn, we had some good times together.
I made some great friendships because of you, but I know its time to let you go.
I’ll always remember you, but it’s time for me to end this show.
After 12 years of love, my attachment to you is no more.
I worked long hours for you for 7 years but I know in my heart it’s the end.
You were part of my journey to this point and I’m thankful for that.
I’m leaving you alcohol.
I know my vision now and you’re not part of it.
How can I alleviate suffering in the world and promote a healthy lifestyle while sipping a jack?
I’m leaving you and I don’t want you back.
Back story; I have been drinking for 12 years now, age 15-27. I worked in the alcohol industry for 7 years, age 20-27. I did many unskilled actions on alcohol in college and high school.
Mahalo,
Johnny Hoffman
The Narrow Path 