I’m lost in the negativity
Drowning in the sea of news
Death counts on my mind
Endless news of this pandemic
Fear & anxiety
Run through my mind
The 2nd pandemic
Of our times
I know this will all pass
Impermanence ends all
All we can do is have faith
Faith that things will work out
The way they are suppose too
The darkest moments of my life led to the most transformation. The darkness brings self-reflection, awareness, and focus. This is only if we do not numb the pain with alcohol, drugs, and/or overeating. When a family member suddenly dies or a relationship ends, we can have moments of pure awareness and clarity on what led to this moment in time.
My first experience with this transformation was when I was honest with my ex-fiance about my infidelity. She left me the following day. At first, I numbed myself with distraction but when her parents moved all her stuff out of our studio I was forced to sit in a dark & empty apartment. My first reaction was to run away and move to a new place. Luckily I chose to stay in my empty studio. The following weeks I cried every night in sorrow. Pain, suffering, and anxiety filled each moment until one day I picked up a book called “Buddhist Bootcamp” by Timber Hawkeye. Suddenly I was meditated 1 hour a day, reading, writing, eating healthier, and working out every day. I quit smoking and significantly cut down on drinking alcohol. My days were now filled with joy instead of sorrow. This all took place from March-May 2015 in San Luis Obispo, CA. Since then I have fallen back into old habits, relearn lessons, and also had new transformations from suffering. I began a journey of self-love, peace, forgiveness, and acceptance; a journey I am currently still on (and always will be). There is no destination on this path, only the love of the journey itself.
The famous Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says “No Mud, No Lotus”. The beautiful lotus flower grows in the darkest and muddiest environments; I truly believe humans are much the same as the beautiful lotus flower. The right environment for growth usual consists of awareness, compassion, and love while we are suffering. Once we learn how to suffer, we suffer much less. Suffering can actually be the most transformative process of life if we allow it to be.
Through the darkness, we can transform ourselves and become the light to see out of the darkness. We accept the darker side of ourselves (and the world) with compassion, understanding, and peace. In this practice, we feed the light while accepting the dark. This allows for peace instead of war. The key to transformation is to sit with ourselves through the pain instead of distraction or numbing the pain. The coldest winters of my life have always ended with a warm inviting spring. All is impermanent, even the darkest of times.
When we are lost
When we hit the lowest of lows
There is always light
Light within us
Surrounding us at every moment
Let the wind dry your tears
For every storm will pass
The sun will rise once more
Bringing light into the darkness
There are many forks in the road.
Left or right?
Indecision paralyzes me.
Fear fills my mind.
My mind racing in circles.
Anxiety filling each moment.
Who knows where each path will go?
Maybe I could let go of this fear.
And pick up love.
Embrace the adventure that life truly is.
Curiosity can fill the space where anxiety once was.
All will work out on the path unknown.
Large waves damage my ship as I navigate the path unknown.
But my anchor stays steady.
It has been with me since my first moment of life.
And will last until my final moment.
My breath is my anchor.
It will help me navigate any hard times.
Breathing in I find my balance.
Breathing out I know that all will be okay.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out gratitude.
Breathe in I know that my anchor will hold strong.
Suffering lives within all of us
Past mistakes on rerun
Future uncertainties constantly dance within our minds,
Making us suffering in this moment
How do we break from this cycle?
We can understand our own suffering
We can develop compassion and self love
As we develop compassion for ourself,
We can begin to transform our suffering into joy
Our life can now be spent helping others suffering less
Bringing joy & peace for those in need
I feel nauseous.
Anxious & depressed.
Fearful & full of doubt.
Violent & apathetic.
All day I stare into glowing screens.
Advertisements bombarding me at every moment.
One show is violent.
The next full of greed and anger.
Could this be the source of my discontent?
You are what you eat.
You are what you listen too.
You are what you watch on your glowing screens.