Tag: gambling

The Road to Recovery.

You have always been there for me

When I was lonely

When I was bored

When I was in pain

Relieving me of stress

Allowing me to focus

Stimulated my mind

Thank you for your attempts to distract me from my suffering

But I have to let you go

The momentary relief you give me leads to more suffering in the end

You will always be part of my story but it’s time to turn the page

It’s time to start a new chapter of self love & service to others

It’s a long road to recovery but it’s a worthwhile journey

The alternative is self destruction

With aloha,

Johnny

No Bad Parts

I have looked deep inside

Into my angry

Into my addictions & impulses

Into the darkest parts of me

What I saw was profound

These parts formed to protect me from loneliness, pain, and despair

They didn’t realize how much destruction they would cause in the long run

There are truly no bad parts of me

Or any of us

Even the darkest parts have their origin stories

Forged in trauma from childhood & early adulthood

The only way to heal them is to first acknowledge them

To love them, show compassion to them, and take care of them like a loving parent to a child

Check out the Internal Family System from Richard Schwartz & his book “No Bad Parts”.

With aloha,

Johnny

Dreams

Here I lay

Listening to the soft voice of a yin yoga teacher

In a deep meditation

An American backpacker in a distant land

Byron Bay is the perfect place for those who are searching for self knowledge

A place to heal emotional wounds.

So here I lay in a dark yoga studio

Suddenly tears come down my cheeks

My inner Buddha speaking clearly without the distractions interfering

If I don’t let go of gambling

I let go of my dreams

I let go of my happiness & freedom

My life will read as a tragedy if I don’t change my ways

I’m 6 weeks sober from gambling

Turning my life around 1 day at a time

With aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

The Mind of An Addict.

Looking for a quick fix.

Pacifiers to numb me.

Numb me from my fears.

Numb me from my insecurities.

 

Cover the pain deep in my heart.

Patch my broken soul.

Give me that rush of dopamine.

 

Silence the endless stream of anxiety.

Shine your light into the darkness of my depression.

Even if it’s only for a moment.

Will you please end my suffering?