meditation – Page 4 – The Narrow Path

Welcome To Heartbreak.

I cried.

I begged.

I promised I would change.

I poured my heart out.

I suffered alone.

How could you not want me back?

Why can’t you forgive me?

How could you be so cold?

How could you be so heartless?

Welcome to heartbreak.

The heartbreak of rejection.

The sadness of regret.

The pain of looking in the mirror.

Self-hatred.

Anxious days.

Depressed nights.

Through the pain, I learned how to be the lotus flower.

For the lotus flower grows in muddy waters.

Through suffering comes joy.

Through suffering comes peace.

Through suffering comes transformation.

No mud, no lotus.

My heart is now filled with gratitude.

Thank you for letting me suffer and grow.

Thank you for letting me go three years ago.

Thank you, Alicia.

Hope all is well.

With Aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

Backstory: 3 years ago in Feb 2015 my life changed forever. I finally told my fiance that I cheated on her. She left me that day. I felt heartbroken, fearful, and anxious. I had to sit with myself. Sit with the anxiety, pain, and loneliness. Sit with the self-hatred. Through that suffering I found a new way of life. A one of meditation, mindfulness, and joy.

(Main photo: Kanye West, 808’s & Heartbreaks)

My Mission: To Alleviate Suffering in All Living Beings.

Aloha my brothers and sisters,

My mission is to alleviate as much suffering as I can in all living beings. It’s a lofty mission, but I’m excited to take it on as my life’s purpose. But first of all, I have to alleviate the suffering in my own life. How can I fully help others suffer less if I can’t help myself?

It has been quite a month for me. For quite some time now I have had this lingering tension on the left side of my abdominal area which reached all the way to the left side of my jaw. I couldn’t figure out why I had this tension. At first, I was numbing it with alcohol every night which was getting out of control. The alcohol worked to alleviate the tension momentarily but the following day it would reappear. I was resisting this tension, which was causing me to suffer. A couple weeks ago, I was driving to work and the tension was almost unbearable, like a thousand tightly wound knots in my abdomen. I finally surrendered to the tension and accepted it. I did more than accept it, I showed compassion and love to it. My tension went away for 15 minutes of pure bliss and joy. I felt like I was floating in the sky or on an LSD trip. I enjoyed looking at the West Maui mountains as tears of joy went down my face. Soon though, I was back to the reality of my tension in my abdomen. Something awakened in me in that moment, I had to stop resisting pain and start accepting it for me to live a more peaceful life with less suffering. I had awoken to my mission to alleviate suffering in the world.

Fast forward two weeks. My meditation practice has been stronger than ever and I’m focusing on reducing my suffering. I eliminate alcohol and porn from my life because they both contribute to my own suffering. I also switched to a plant-based diet to help reduce suffering in myself, animals, and the planet. By changing my habits and intentionally reducing suffering in the world, I invoked suffering that was deep in my subconscious.

In my deep 30 minute meditations, I suddenly find myself reliving old memories from my childhood. All of these memories are either pure rage or rumination over unskillful actions I have done in my past (stealing, cheating, lying). Instead of judging or running from these memories, I choose to accept, love, and show compassion to myself. I imagine myself as a child, filled with rage, confusion, and fear.

Pain doesn’t decompose. Pain lives in us until we confront it with love, compassion, and forgiveness. Suppressing this pain never works.

“What you resist, will persist.” -Carl Yung

What could be more logical than showing compassion, love, and forgiveness to yourself? What could be more insane than hating, judging, and running away from yourself? Clearly, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our wrongdoings but after that is done with, we must forgive and love ourselves. As a child, I would throw temper tantrums when things didn’t go my way. I would have mental breakdowns when playing golf, basketball, or even when my favorite teams lost in the playoffs. This pain still lives on within me because I suppressed and ran away from it. I judged myself and labeled my former self as a sensitive, weak, and inferior version of myself. In my teen years, I was calm and collective for the most part because I vowed to never be that inferior self again.

Yesterday afternoon I fell apart and broke down. So many emotions running through my body. So much pain, suffering, joy, and pure bliss all mixed into one moment. The tension was truly alleviated once I showed true compassion, love, and forgiveness to my darker side. Radical acceptance was key to ending my suffering and I believe it is key to alleviating the suffering of mankind. So many of us are hurt by old wounds that never properly healed. The people who hurt the most, hurt others. Almost all horrendous acts done by humankind are rooted in hurt individuals who look to cause suffering to others because they themselves are in so much pain.

I’m excited to share my journey to a more meaningful and peaceful life. I thank you all for reading this blog post. By reading this post, you help me live out my purpose to alleviate suffering in all living beings.

“When we learn how to suffer, we suffer much less.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

With the Aloha Spirit,

Johnny Hoffman

The One You Feed Podcast: Bringing Depression, Anxiety, and Human Suffering out of the Shadows.

Aloha!

Today’s blog post is dedicated to Eric Zimmer & Chris Forbes of the The One You Feed podcast.You can find them on Spotify and Apple Podcasts as well as their website http://www.oneyoufeed.net. The podcast is based on an old Cherokee parable listed below.

A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.

One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery, and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred, and fear.

The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?

The grandfather quietly replies, the one you feed

I still remember getting goosebumps when I heard this parable for the first time. It normalized the human condition and made me feel more compassion for myself and others. It’s not about starving the bad wolf but taming it with love, compassion, and forgiveness. Hating the part of you that feels hatred is unskillful and can lead to a very discontented and torn human life.

I stumbled upon the podcast about 18 months ago on Spotify and have been hooked ever since. I was searching for more content from my favorite author Timber Hawkeye when I found his interview on the The One You Feed on Spotify. I must have listened to that interview at least 25 times before I had the courage to check out any of the other episodes. I’m grateful that I took that step because I have learned and grown by having an open mind to new concepts from a wide range of perspectives. I feel as if part of each guest’s wisdom has been planted into my mind. The podcasts guest range from prolific authors, Zen Masters, Rabbis, Christian theologists, neuroscientists, and spiritual gurus. Here are my favorite episodes.

Timber Hawkeye: Episode 39

Adyashanti: Episode 166

Richard Rohr: Episode 168/169

Tara Brach: Episode 143

Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute): Episode 112

The creator and host Eric Zimmer does a fantastic job of mediating the conversation so we get the most high-quality interviews. Eric has also transformed into a spiritual teacher himself and has dedicated a huge part of his life to finding the truth of the human condition. I commend Eric for bringing depression, anxiety, and the basic human condition out of the shadows. Recognizing our problems is the first step to alleviating suffering and of living a more meaningful life. By listening to this podcast I have fed my good wolf of self-growth and compassion. It’s hard in a world full of distraction, numbing agents, and noise to take the first steps to a better life. It’s worth it though. I hope this blog post has helped you and maybe sparked an interest in listening to The One You Feed podcast. You can find it on Spotify and apple podcasts.

With Aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

Enlightenment: Consistency, Hardwork, and Falling Down Over & Over Again.

I define enlightenment as having overall peace, clarity, and contentment in life. It is not separate from the world or only for spiritual gurus. It’s achievable for everyone.
In February of 2015 I awoke to the truth of what my life had become. At 24 years old I was overweight, unhappy, and anxious. For the previous two years I had been constantly numbing myself with gambling, cigarettes, alcohol, over-work, and fast food. I did this because I hated who I had become and wanted to avoid thinking about my actions. This all changed when I admitted to my ex-fiance that I cheated on her. I also had been hiding this secret life from my family and friends. Instead of running from the pain, I sat with it and was transformed. Sitting with the pain allowed me to see the truth of my past and present situation. There was no one else to blame but myself for how my life had unfolded, I was only victim to my own unskillful actions. Self-compassion and forgiveness were some of the hardest things to cultivate after the many years of negative self-talk. I was so miserable that I had to take action to improve my life. My old life wasn’t produces the results I wanted so I knew I had to change. I felt like an empty canvas. Ready to start new habits and have an open mind to new ideas.

In the following months I changed my life. I meditated an hour a day, eat healthy, worked out, volunteered, and started reading Buddhist philosophy. A book titled Buddhist Bootcamp by Timber Hawkeye changed my mindset from entitled to grateful. The book helped me forgive myself of my wrongdoings and show self-compassion. I lost 35 pounds and felt amazing spiritual, physically, and emotional. I felt peace I had never felt in my life. I felt enlightened.

Fast forward to November 2015 and I’m drinking right after work, smoking cigarettes, gambling, and partying every Friday and Saturday night. So what happened?? How can you go from feeling enlightened to partying in a couple months. It was quite easy actually, it all started with thinking I was cured of my suffering. That I didn’t need meditation, exercise, and I could relax my diet. I also took a sales job which I knew deep down would cause me suffering. I was soon depressed, lonely, and miserable again.

A few more months pass and I hit another rock bottom around March 2016. This one wasn’t as harsh because I knew what I had to do. I had a template of how to decrease my suffering and be at peace again. I once again started meditation, long walks in nature, working out and eating right. I felt good again and was at peace. Old habits don’t die easy though because this peace did not last long.

I move to San Jose in August 2016. Sadly, I don’t even try to connect with the community or try to make new friends. I felt lonely once again and start drinking more often. This was a time of nothingness, of no growth and very little memories. Maybe it was meant to be this way, a time where I could make my next move. I decided I wanted to move to Maui in December of 2016.

From Jan-April 2017 all my focus was on saving money to move to Maui. I was blessed to be around my family and friends back in Sacramento,CA though which helped me feel connected. My diet was horrible though and once again was overweight. I moved to Maui in April 2017 with my eyes wide open! I felt a sense of exploration and joy.

I fall once again into old habits. Soon I’m smoking cigarettes, drinking tons of alcohol, and eating spam musibis. I feel anxious, stressed, and lonely once again. I knew something had to change and fast. My first step was my health. I decided after watching the documentary Forks Over Knifes that I would persue a more plant-based diet. I switched my diet to a pescetarian diet, meaning I only eat fish, dairy, fruits, vegatables and legumes. I lose 25lbs and feel amazing. Presently I’m working on becoming a vegan and becoming more active in my local community. I meditate, write, read and go on long walks every day. I’m working on getting stronger by going to the gym regularly. I still feel lonely at times and would love to meet other like-minded people on Maui. This is my next step to feeling a sense of community on Maui.

Big picture take away from this post is that peace, enlightenment, contentment or what ever you want to call it takes hardwork, consistency, and you will fall down alot. The key is to rise everytime you fall. Don’t judge your unskillful actions but learn from them. Find a template that works for you to thrive and try to follow it as best as you can. I’m just sharing my template in hope that you can take one piece of it and apply it to your life.

Growth is life. If we are not growing we are dying.

With Aloha,

Jonathan Hoffman

Less is More: My Journey to Minimalism.

When I was a child, I always enjoyed my father’s house. He didn’t clutter his living space with tons of trinkets and photos, instead he had a few golf paintings and only the essential. I didn’t realize it then, but it was the first indicator that I was in fact a minimalist. My parents divorced when I was young so I spent every other weekend with my dad. He was a minimalist before it was cool, before it was labeled as a fringe group which is slowly turning into a more mainstream philosophy.

Before the 1970’s, almost everyone was a minimalist. It wasn’t until manufacturing went to China, India, etc that material goods became so cheap and available. This cheap manufacturing has led to today, where the average American household has 300,000 items. Advertisements tell us that we need to buy, buy, buy and that we NEED this new item even though we survived without it’s existence.

I didn’t fully embrace minimalism until my ex-fiance and I broke up. You see, she owned 95% of our stuff when we broke up. Everything in the house was either brought by her or gifts from her family. When she left, I was left alone in the studio we once shared. She was gracious enough to leave 1 fork, knife, spoon, pot, and pan. I didn’t have internet/TV and I slept on an air mattress. I lived like this for 6 months and suprisingly I thrived. Less distractions made it easier to focus on the essential. I enjoyed cleaning more because I had less to clean. I focused on my diet which led to me losing 30 lbs. With no internet, I spent more time outdoors or working out (best shape of my life). With no TV, I started reading books and learning knowledge that I now share on this blog. I even volunteered for the Special Olympics because I had more time to contribute outside myself. Since moving to Maui, I’m slowly relearning these lessons and cultivating some of the skills I learned in that 6 month minimalist boot camp.

Less is more. Less distraction, more passion. Less debt, more freedom. Less clutter, more focus.

With Aloha,

Jonathan Hoffman

The Power of Meditation.

From CEO’s to professional athletes, the practice of meditation is becoming more normalized in the United States. Meditation has also been extensively studied by neuroscientists who have found scientific proof that meditation can rewire the brain, making us more compassionate and loving people. Meditation isn’t going to make your life perfect. Think of it as a mental health exercise that can alleviate mental stress, anxiety, and depression. Adding it to a healthy diet and workout regiment for a healthy mind, body, and spirit. Our mind is like a puppy wandering towards every stimulus in the park, never truly focusing on the present moment. The goal of meditation isn’t to control our thoughts but to not allow our thoughts to control us.

In its most basic definition, meditation is allowing everything to exactly exist in its present state. Sounds easy right? It’s not, our mind loves wandering to the past, future, or how things should be but they are not. Meditation is about training the brain so you are not tormented by cravings, impulses, and the natural tendency for our mind to focus on the negative.

I discovered meditation when my ex-fiance and I broke up. My anxiety after the breakup was so bad that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. My stomach was constantly in knots and my mind was in chaos. One day I researched the benefits of meditation and found out that it could help alleviate anxiety. After trial and error, I started meditating 10-60 minutes a day. I couldn’t believe how great I felt after my meditation. My anxiety & stress seemed to vanish and I felt more content with who I was in my entire life. Life has had its ups and downs since then but I can always find my peace while meditating. It helps me focus on the present, express gratitude, and show compassion to myself and others.

I invite you to try meditation for yourself. Find a meditation that works for you. Whether that’s a mindful walking meditation or sitting on a chair/cushion. The first step is to focus on your breath, which will center your body and mind. Whenever your mind wanders, you can bring it back to the present moment by focusing on the breath. With the power of Youtube, Google, and all the different applications like Calm or Headspace you can find your own path of meditation that works for you. Just remember, meditation won’t always be pleasurable just like working out or eating healthy isn’t always enjoyable. The benefits of meditation our felt when leaving the cushion. The benefits of compassion, love, forgiveness, and focus.

With Aloha,

Jonathan Hoffman