The Narrow Path

The Road to Recovery.

You have always been there for me

When I was lonely

When I was bored

When I was in pain

Relieving me of stress

Allowing me to focus

Stimulated my mind

Thank you for your attempts to distract me from my suffering

But I have to let you go

The momentary relief you give me leads to more suffering in the end

You will always be part of my story but it’s time to turn the page

It’s time to start a new chapter of self love & service to others

It’s a long road to recovery but it’s a worthwhile journey

The alternative is self destruction

With aloha,

Johnny

The Void Within

Fill the hole in my heart

Fill the deep gap within my soul

Take away the discomfort

Numb me to my suffering

Distract me

Comfort me

I don’t want to feel anymore

Consumption of drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or junk food seems to be the solution to our pain

Temporarily they are good numbing agents, that’s what hooks us in; especially when we first try them at an early age

But in the end it causes more suffering & new financial & health problems

Like quick sand we can fall deeper & deeper into the depths of addiction

With aloha

Johnny

No Bad Parts

I have looked deep inside

Into my angry

Into my addictions & impulses

Into the darkest parts of me

What I saw was profound

These parts formed to protect me from loneliness, pain, and despair

They didn’t realize how much destruction they would cause in the long run

There are truly no bad parts of me

Or any of us

Even the darkest parts have their origin stories

Forged in trauma from childhood & early adulthood

The only way to heal them is to first acknowledge them

To love them, show compassion to them, and take care of them like a loving parent to a child

Check out the Internal Family System from Richard Schwartz & his book “No Bad Parts”.

With aloha,

Johnny

The Three Poisons: Attachment, Aversion, and Ignorance

In Buddhist philosophy; attachment, aversion, and ignorance are the three main obstacles from achieving inner peace within. They are the three poisons of true happiness.

Attachment is said to be the root of all suffering.

Attachment to wealth, youth, ideology, the past, loved ones, life itself etc can drain us and make us miserable. Think of a middle aged woman attached to her youth. You can imagine her worrying about every wrinkle and what others perceive of her. By not accepting ones aging process, we suffer deeply.

Aversion on the other hand drains us of our joy by judgment, anger, or disgust. For example, an aversion to bugs can ruin our time in nature. An aversion to homeless people can stop us from having compassion for them; compassion and understanding can be the root of much joy.

Ignorance can blind us too. When we purposely or unintentionally don’t see information about a topic, we can make decisions that destroy our health and happiness. Cigarettes are a good example of this, most of the population were ignorant for many years of the risk of cancer and heart disease of smoking.

So instead of seeking pleasure or trying to find happiness, could we try to find a middle path between attachment, aversion, or ignorance? Can we learn about a topic so we are not ignorant but also not getting attached or averse to it? Blissful peace is found in the middle of this triangle.

I think it’s possible if we practice. Never think you know everything and the opposite of what you believe is true to someone else in the world.

Zen mind, beginners mind

With aloha,

Johnny

Service

Any path that isn’t for the betterment of others is not worth taking

Even if we find our spiritual path though Buddhism, Hinduism , Christianity, yoga, or transcendental meditation

Our practice is still driven by ego if the sole intention is to better ourselves

We must take what we learn on the yoga mat, church, mosque, or meditation cushion, roll up our sleeves and help others in our daily lives

Don’t discount even the smallest acts

Even a smile or a kind word to a stranger can significantly help others

Choose compassion over apathy

Love over fear

Curiosity instead of judgment

With aloha,

Johnny

The Path of Self Destruction

I have walked the path of self destruction many times in my adult life

Seeking pleasure to avoid the pain

To distract myself from feeling lonely, bored, or uncomfortable

The addiction only temporarily fixed the problem

Whether that be drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex

Soon you become numb to it’s effects & you seek more of a rush & upping your dose

Not realizing the self destruction happening within your mind, body, and soul

Until one day (hopefully) you feel the pain so deeply that you decide to attempt recovery

It can take a lifetime of effort but anything worth doing in life does

I vow to never give up on myself & to keep trying

With aloha,

Johnny

Greed Blinds Us

Every religion or philosophy warns humanity of the destructive qualities of greed. While I’m not religious myself, I honour the ancient wisdom found in each of them. Why does greed blind us? When we focus only on more money, we often sacrifice our own happiness, health, and relationships to achieve it. It blinds us from seeing the bigger picture of life. There is always a trade off.

We crave more money thinking it will satisfy us but it often leaves us craving more. A good friend once told me that “it is like drinking poison because you’re thirsty.” There is nothing wrong or immoral about money. We need it to survive and even thrive. But how much is really necessary for happiness? Well that depends on your time, place and circumstances. According to me, it’s a lot less than we are told by movies, commercials, and western society.

I fall into this trap many times & have to relearn this ancient wisdom of “less is more”. Greed has blinded me many times. My spiritual journey has always been more about unlearning self destructive habits & thoughts that I picked up along my way in my childhood & early adulthood.

With aloha,

Johnny

Lost in Self Doubt

Life comes with challenges for us to learn from. I have had many challenges come my way from my many experiences in college, breakups, moving to Hawaii, New Zealand and Australia. I always had a great attitude about it because you learn so much about yourself by experiences; good & bad. You can always make a new decision today that can better your life.

I never doubted my decisions until this year. Early in this year I kept making decisions out of fear that put me in living situations that compromised my health & happiness. In February, I started feeling hopeless & lost. I lost faith in my own intuition. I felt like I lost my own ability to make decisions for me thrive physically, mentally, and spiritually. It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe. It’s like you’re lost in a maze and you keep questioning every decision. This can lead to feelings of hopelessness, fear, and despair. Eventually you question yourself so much that you just stop trying & depression sets in. You start living your life paralyzed by fear & self doubt.

I know this situation will end eventually, all is impermanent. A huge part of me wants to move back to Australia & start making decisions out of love instead of fear of failure or not having enough money. A part of me wants to move back to the central coast of California and a part of me wants to stay in Colorado Springs with family. I keep bouncing back n forth in my decision. Thank you to my family & friends for your patience & love while I try to figure out the next step in my life. 🙏🏻

With aloha,

Johnny

Attitude Adjustment

Entitled, bitter, and upset

I cause my own suffering

What’s the antidote for this mental condition?

Gratitude

How could I lose sight of all the things I could be grateful for?

Grateful for my job

Grateful for friends and family

Grateful for life & it’s infinite possibilities

The conditions of happiness are always available at any moment

Even through the darkest times we can cultivate joy through gratitude

We can bring our breath back to this exact moment

Peace & joy can only be found in the here and now

With aloha,

Johnny

Anxiety

The illness of our times

Our minds wander to the future

Grasping for control

Wanting to know what will happen

The truth is that the future is completely unwritten

Because of impermanence, anything is possible

Let’s stop trying to control the uncontrollable

If we want a better future, we must take care of the present moment

With aloha,

Johnny