Category: Darkness

No Bad Parts

I have looked deep inside

Into my angry

Into my addictions & impulses

Into the darkest parts of me

What I saw was profound

These parts formed to protect me from loneliness, pain, and despair

They didn’t realize how much destruction they would cause in the long run

There are truly no bad parts of me

Or any of us

Even the darkest parts have their origin stories

Forged in trauma from childhood & early adulthood

The only way to heal them is to first acknowledge them

To love them, show compassion to them, and take care of them like a loving parent to a child

Check out the Internal Family System from Richard Schwartz & his book “No Bad Parts”.

With aloha,

Johnny

The Path of Self Destruction

I have walked the path of self destruction many times in my adult life

Seeking pleasure to avoid the pain

To distract myself from feeling lonely, bored, or uncomfortable

The addiction only temporarily fixed the problem

Whether that be drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex

Soon you become numb to it’s effects & you seek more of a rush & upping your dose

Not realizing the self destruction happening within your mind, body, and soul

Until one day (hopefully) you feel the pain so deeply that you decide to attempt recovery

It can take a lifetime of effort but anything worth doing in life does

I vow to never give up on myself & to keep trying

With aloha,

Johnny

Greed Blinds Us

Every religion or philosophy warns humanity of the destructive qualities of greed. While I’m not religious myself, I honour the ancient wisdom found in each of them. Why does greed blind us? When we focus only on more money, we often sacrifice our own happiness, health, and relationships to achieve it. It blinds us from seeing the bigger picture of life. There is always a trade off.

We crave more money thinking it will satisfy us but it often leaves us craving more. A good friend once told me that “it is like drinking poison because you’re thirsty.” There is nothing wrong or immoral about money. We need it to survive and even thrive. But how much is really necessary for happiness? Well that depends on your time, place and circumstances. According to me, it’s a lot less than we are told by movies, commercials, and western society.

I fall into this trap many times & have to relearn this ancient wisdom of “less is more”. Greed has blinded me many times. My spiritual journey has always been more about unlearning self destructive habits & thoughts that I picked up along my way in my childhood & early adulthood.

With aloha,

Johnny

Darkness into Light

From my experience, our suffering can bring much joy

But we must sit with the pain even when we want to run from it

For us to transform, we must get to know the darkest parts of our mind.

Sit with our demons until they don’t scare us anymore

Show compassion & love to the darkest parts of our soul

Surrender to the reality in front of you

Do not fight or run

Sit still & get to know them

They will always be there

But our mind can be a sanctuary, even with the demons; not a warzone

With aloha,

Johnny

Dreams

Here I lay

Listening to the soft voice of a yin yoga teacher

In a deep meditation

An American backpacker in a distant land

Byron Bay is the perfect place for those who are searching for self knowledge

A place to heal emotional wounds.

So here I lay in a dark yoga studio

Suddenly tears come down my cheeks

My inner Buddha speaking clearly without the distractions interfering

If I don’t let go of gambling

I let go of my dreams

I let go of my happiness & freedom

My life will read as a tragedy if I don’t change my ways

I’m 6 weeks sober from gambling

Turning my life around 1 day at a time

With aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

Relax, Nothing is Under Control

The sun will rise
And set
Relax, nothing is under control

Days will go by
People will get sick
Loved ones will die

Jobs will be lost
People will cheat, lie, and push your buttons
Relax, nothing is under control

Our mission is to rise above and stay positive even in the darkest of times
Knowing that everything & everyone is impermanent

We can find joy by letting go of control of others and situations
All we can control is our reaction and attitude to the chaos around us
Resilience is built by not avoiding hard situations but by embracing them with love, compassion, and acceptance.

With aloha,

Johnny

Loving Me

This poem is inspired by Kid Cudi’s song “Lovin’ Me” off Man on the Moon III: The Chosen One

Hell & heaven live within us

The inner voice that tells us that we aren’t good enough

Strong enough

Pretty enough

That we aren’t worth love

The seeds of self-hatred sprout into suffering

Only self compassion can lead us out of the dark

Into the light of peace & love

Self love being key to humanities transformation into a more peaceful species

If we don’t love ourself

If we can’t show compassion to ourself

How can we share love & compassion with others?

With Aloha,

Johnny

Link to “Lovin’ Me” by Kid Cudi

Brothers & Sisters

There once was a star in the milky way

Until one day this star grew old

This distant star died & transformed into a supernova

Sending its space dust in the vast darkness of the Universe

Until one day this dust accumulated and condensed under pressure

To form our home, Earth

The star never truly died

It was reborn

Reborn as you, me, and every species that has existed on this planet

We are brothers & sisters

Sharing this beautiful planet together

With Aloha,

Johnny

The Battle Within

Divinity is found

Within you and I

But also ego

All humans have this battle within

Dark & light

Devil & angel

Ego & divine

Grow the divine fertile seeds with love & compassion

Acknowledge the ego

Bow to it

Feed it carefully

Feed it with understanding

Care for the darker side

For in caring for the dark we grow the light

Darkness, Transformation, and Redemption.

The darkest moments of my life led to the most transformation. The darkness brings self-reflection, awareness, and focus.  This is only if we do not numb the pain with alcohol, drugs, and/or overeating. When a family member suddenly dies or a relationship ends, we can have moments of pure awareness and clarity on what led to this moment in time.

My first experience with this transformation was when I was honest with my ex-fiance about my infidelity. She left me the following day. At first, I numbed myself with distraction but when her parents moved all her stuff out of our studio I was forced to sit in a dark & empty apartment. My first reaction was to run away and move to a new place. Luckily I chose to stay in my empty studio. The following weeks I cried every night in sorrow. Pain, suffering, and anxiety filled each moment until one day I picked up a book called “Buddhist Bootcamp” by Timber Hawkeye. Suddenly I was meditated 1 hour a day, reading, writing, eating healthier, and working out every day. I quit smoking and significantly cut down on drinking alcohol. My days were now filled with joy instead of sorrow. This all took place from March-May 2015 in San Luis Obispo, CA. Since then I have fallen back into old habits, relearn lessons, and also had new transformations from suffering. I began a journey of self-love, peace, forgiveness, and acceptance; a journey I am currently still on (and always will be). There is no destination on this path, only the love of the journey itself.

The famous Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says “No Mud, No Lotus”. The beautiful lotus flower grows in the darkest and muddiest environments; I truly believe humans are much the same as the beautiful lotus flower. The right environment for growth usual consists of awareness, compassion, and love while we are suffering. Once we learn how to suffer, we suffer much less. Suffering can actually be the most transformative process of life if we allow it to be.

Through the darkness, we can transform ourselves and become the light to see out of the darkness. We accept the darker side of ourselves (and the world) with compassion, understanding, and peace. In this practice, we feed the light while accepting the dark. This allows for peace instead of war. The key to transformation is to sit with ourselves through the pain instead of distraction or numbing the pain. The coldest winters of my life have always ended with a warm inviting spring. All is impermanent, even the darkest of times.

 

With Aloha,

Johnny Hoffman