Darkness – Page 2 – The Narrow Path

Darkness, Transformation, and Redemption.

The darkest moments of my life led to the most transformation. The darkness brings self-reflection, awareness, and focus. This is only if we do not numb the pain with alcohol, drugs, and/or overeating. When a family member suddenly dies or a relationship ends, we can have moments of pure awareness and clarity on what led to this moment in time.

My first experience with this transformation was when I was honest with my ex-fiance about my infidelity. She left me the following day. At first, I numbed myself with distraction but when her parents moved all her stuff out of our studio I was forced to sit in a dark & empty apartment. My first reaction was to run away and move to a new place. Luckily I chose to stay in my empty studio. The following weeks I cried every night in sorrow. Pain, suffering, and anxiety filled each moment until one day I picked up a book called “Buddhist Bootcamp” by Timber Hawkeye. Suddenly I was meditated 1 hour a day, reading, writing, eating healthier, and working out every day. I quit smoking and significantly cut down on drinking alcohol. My days were now filled with joy instead of sorrow. This all took place from March-May 2015 in San Luis Obispo, CA. Since then I have fallen back into old habits, relearn lessons, and also had new transformations from suffering. I began a journey of self-love, peace, forgiveness, and acceptance; a journey I am currently still on (and always will be). There is no destination on this path, only the love of the journey itself.

The famous Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says “No Mud, No Lotus”. The beautiful lotus flower grows in the darkest and muddiest environments; I truly believe humans are much the same as the beautiful lotus flower. The right environment for growth usual consists of awareness, compassion, and love while we are suffering. Once we learn how to suffer, we suffer much less. Suffering can actually be the most transformative process of life if we allow it to be.

Through the darkness, we can transform ourselves and become the light to see out of the darkness. We accept the darker side of ourselves (and the world) with compassion, understanding, and peace. In this practice, we feed the light while accepting the dark. This allows for peace instead of war. The key to transformation is to sit with ourselves through the pain instead of distraction or numbing the pain. The coldest winters of my life have always ended with a warm inviting spring. All is impermanent, even the darkest of times.

With Aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

All Will Be Okay.

When we are lost

When we hit the lowest of lows

There is always light

Light within us

Surrounding us at every moment

Let the wind dry your tears

For every storm will pass

The sun will rise once more

Bringing light into the darkness

Burn it to the Ground.

Lighter fluid & matches

Ashes flutter in the darkness of the night

My fancy clothes, trinkets, and stuff melting into the nothingness of my once cluttered home

A weight has been lifted

Holding me back from living the life I was born to live

Freedom

Freedom from fear

Freedom from stuff

Freedom from career aspirations

Freedom from obsessing about status, money, and power.

“What designer sofa defines me as a human being?”

“The liberator who destroyed my property has realigned my perceptions.”

“It’s only when we lost everything, that we are free to do anything.”

-Fight Club

The Darkness Within.

Inside me

There is darkness

Greed, fear & even hatred

Inside me

There is light

Compassion, forgiveness & love.

I acknowledge both

For there can not be light without the dark

I vow to acknowledge the greed, fear, anger, and hatred with me

But to feed the seeds of love, compassion, and faith

To love both of them unconditionally

To acknowledge the light & darkness within myself and all

The Ghosts of Our Past.

A grandfather & his grandkids sit around a campfire on a cold winters night. The grandkids ask their grandfather to tell them a scary story. The grandfather takes a deep breath, knowing this story could have a huge impact on his grandkids. In the distance, a coyote howls into the deep silence of the forest.

The flame flickers

The moon shines into the cold night

As the grandfather tells his tale

His grandkids hearts drop

As they listen carefully to each word

Our past is not our past

If we refuse to let it go

The wise grandfather proclaimed

The ghosts of the past are real

They are dark creatures

More powerful then any demon

For they torment you

Day or night

They even follow you into your dreams

They steal your joy

Bring endless suffering

These ghosts

Lock you in a jail of regret

“How do you get out of this jail?!”

His grandkids screamed into silence of the night

“It’s simple but difficult” the grandfather proclaimed

The key to your freedom is the power of letting go

If you let go of the attachment, regret, and sorrow of your past the ghosts will disappear into the nights sky

Only to be seen time to time

To guide you on a different path then what led you to your own sufferings

Do not fight the ghosts, that is their fuel

Accept your past with compassion

For the past is gone

This exact moment is what matters

The grandkids slept good in their tents that night knowing that they are not helpless to these ghosts. The grandfather knew his grandkids would most likely have to learn the same way he did, through clinging to his past mistakes of infidelity, lying, and addictions. They will find their own way.

My Purpose.

I woke up today

With a clear purpose

To show compassion to all beings

To help others suffer less

To bring joy to others

How will I live my purpose?

By practicing compassion

Love & peace

To shed light into the darkness

To live out my message

Tiger.

My idol once fell from the sky.

Bruised & broken,

His body burning as he descended into the atmosphere.

Landing in the deepest of rock bottoms.

My perception shattered of a once untouchable man.

Judgement by others filled the air so thickly you couldn’t see the sun above.

Darkness surrounding him as he sat with himself in the coldest of winter’s.

His mental health at an all time low.

Body deteriorating in front of our eyes.

He struggled.

He fell once more.

Almost all doubted his ability & strength.

But he still kept moving forward.

As years went by, his mentality changed.

Soon he was grateful to play the game he loved.

Years of hard work began to pay off.

Today, I watched my idol win once more.

Tears came to my eyes as I saw him hug his family & pump his fists into the sky.

The journey was well worth the struggle.

As a man who has fallen in dark times before.

I appreciate your journey to becoming a better man.

Thank you Tiger Woods.

Big Egos.

The ego whispers “you’re right”. Unchecked, our ego will lead us into hatred of anyone who different than us. Hatred cannot be stopped by more hatred. It’s a vicious unstoppable circle of ego, fear, and hatred. Without the light of peace, the circle is infinite. Apathy & fear fuel the ego. I believe compassion and love can bring humanity true peace. Does humanity really want peace though? That’s a million dollar question. If we truly want peace we have to be mindful of the ego and its tendency to label everything as “right” or “wrong”. Labeling is the first step to hatred and violence. Labeling isn’t always bad (foods, streets, colors, etc) but when we label our fellow humans we put them in boxes; which we then label “right” or “wrong”. This distorts reality and makes peace difficult.

Understanding is the first step towards peace.

Without understanding peace is not possible. This is why mindful listening is so important in peace talks. Understanding the suffering inside another is a skill we can develop with compassion. Understanding, compassion, and peace are intertwined at their core.

Do we truly want peace or to be right?

I see this in my fellow animal right’s activists. Well-intentioned people who let their ego blind them. They care more about being right than understanding meat eaters. They end up pushing their meat-eating brothers & sisters further from plant-based living; causing more violence in the world. We all have been guilty of letting our ego take control of a conversation. I intend to show true compassion to all living beings, even those who believe the exact opposite of me. How will they know peace if we don’t show them? MLK, Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha, and Mother Theresa all preached this message of peace.

Let’s start today by mindfully listening to others instead of allowing our ego to lead into hatred. If we truly want peace in this world we must live peacefully with all living beings. By living this way, we leave the world a better place than we arrived.

With Aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

Vow.

Where there is hatred, I will show love.

Where there is fear, I will show trust.

Where there is doubt, I will show faith.

Where there is apathy, I will show compassion.

Where there is violence, I will show peace.

I vow to show others another way.

Darkness.

The darkness surrounds me.

Fear consuming every thought.

Anger pulsating through every cell.

Hatred burning into my soul.

Greed filling up my mind.

Do I resist the darkness?

Do I suppress these dark emotions?

No.

I will accept the darkness.

I will honor the greed, anger, hatred, and fear inside me as part of who I am.

But I vow to shine light into the darkness of my soul.

The light of love.

The light of kindness.

The light of compassion.

The light of forgiveness.

I will show the darkness another way.